Fanfic: Regret Not the Past

[abbyromana]

Title: Regret Not the Past
Author: abbyromana 
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dick/Tim, Dick/Jason
Genre: hurt and comfort, angst, fluff, AU!The Robins
Characters: Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, mention of Alfred Pennyworth and Stephanie Brown
Disclaimer:All characters and things of Batman belong to DC comics, and Bill Finger and Bob Kane, the creators of Batman. Also references to Batman: TAS belong to Bruce Timm. I'm simply borrowing them for creative output.
Author note(s): This is my first time writing in this AU, but with Munnin's coaxing and reading so many amazing stories on here, this story came into being. I hope you all enjoy w it. :)
Description: Jason's past comes back to bite, leaving it's bloody mark on the family.

 

Dick’s first thought about the dryness of his throat. His next was the ache caused by a constant thumping in his ears. When both grated on him too much, he opened his tired eyes. Instantly, he regretted the action as fluorescent light flooded his vision. A world of searing white burned across his retinas.

Quickly shutting his eyes, he swore under his breath as his lethargic mind tried to figure out why his surroundings were so very white. After a moment of turning the taunting question over in his head, he decided he couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer. The only way to know for sure was to open his eyes again. This time he did it more gradually to allow his vision to adjust.

Soon the world of searing white formed into a white, chicken-pox covered ceiling with a series of elongated, fluorescent lights that softly hummed. Dick blinked a few times, still feeling confused. Glancing left and then right, he took note of several spiraling tubes on both side of him, and what looked like a heart monitor. Lifting one arm, he saw the end of one tube was connected to an IV embedded in the corresponding hand.

A slight shiver of discomfort at the sight coursed through Dick’s mind. Still, it was confusion that remained prominent in his mind. He was pretty sure this was a hospital room, but he didn’t know why he was here or how he got here.

Squeezing his eyes shut for a second, he tried to recall the last thing he did remember. After a moment, thoughts of a rather mundane day: a Tuesday, popped into his head. More specifically, it had been the Tuesday before Stephanie’s birthday, and he and Jason were out shopping for gifts.

oOo

 “This is fucking ridiculous, Dickie,” Jason scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “A complete waste of my time.”

“Hey! You promised to keep an open mind…” Dick pointed out, continuing to glancing at the storefront windows. He was keeping an eye open for anything that might work for his gift as well as sales. “… for Steph.”

“Yeah, well…” said Jason. His voice trailed off as he stopped suddenly in front of a random storefront window. This one had a hot pink, baby blue, and glittering gold motif. Dick watched his oldest brother glower at the window’s content of pink accessories with matching pink clothes with gold and blue trim. “… Princess Peach isn’t really her, and you know it. She’d rather die than be caught in that.”

Dick grinned in agreement, shaking his head. The last person who tried to get their unofficial adoptive sister to wear pink was an ill-informed and unyielding costume designer from their last music video. He recalled the near violent rant that followed the discovery of a floor length and frilly pink dress in her dressing room as well as the unflattering tabloid article that came out two days later. He was sure both completely put Stephanie off pink for life.

 “Yeah, you got me there, Jay,” he agreed with a chuckle, before placing a hand on Jason’s shoulder. “So we know this store is a no, but that’s why we have to keep looking around.”

Jason turned his head sharply in Dick’s direction with a sour expression.  “Still say we’d be better off stopping off at the nearest bar. I always think better with a drink or two in me.”

“Oh, yeah! Sure you do, Jay,” Dick said with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll try to remember that the next time I have to bail you out of a jail cell after an all-nighter.”

“Oh, come on!” exclaimed Jason, shaking himself out of Dick’s grip and continuing down the bustling street. “The last time was two months ago and it was all a cop-up on the part of the guy.  I mean, he walked into my fist.”

“Seven times?” Dick said incredulously, hurrying to keep in step with Jason.

Jason threw a raised eyebrow in Dick’s direction. “Huh. Was it that many times?” he said, sounding surprised but Dick didn’t buy Jason’s innocent tone.

“Yeah,” Dick said. “We’re lucky the guy didn’t press charges. Last thing the Band needs is more bad press.”

A raised eyebrow and a sly smirk crept across Jason’s face “You mean we’re lucky Alfred talked him out of it.”

Dick nodded, grinning too as remembered the sudden turn on head of the man after only a few minutes with Alfred. Dick never asked the older man what he said to change the man’s mind. He’d learned long ago never to question the tactics of Alfred, just as he was sure Bruce had done too.

 “Now come on, we have a birthday girl to shop for,” he told Jason. He could see Jason’s lips parting to argue, so Dick cut him off. “And I know that it is far from a simple matter. No one said shopping for a girl was easy. Hey! I know from experience, but give it a chance, Jay-bird.” He paused as a thought. Leaning closer to Jason, he said, “And if you’re good, I’ll buy you as many rounds of your favorite drink as you can take.”

A smug grin spread across Jason face, “Now you’re talking my lingo, Dickie.” He winked at Dick, leaning a breath width away. “Race you to the next street?”

When Dick’s lips parted to reply, the words were stolen away by Jason’s lips.

oOo

The memory of those events filled Dick’s thoughts. The chaotic but familiar city noises echoed in his ears. The bright colors and vibrant lights of the window displays were as vivid now as then. He could smell the mixture of cigarette smoke and spicy aftershave of Jason. Even more than that, he could still feel the buzzing sensation radiating across his face as Jason kissed him with near bruising pressure.

Now as then, a broad smile spread over Dick’s face. He had always loved the energy and zealousness that Jason put into everything he attempted. Even when he was Robin, the second Boy Wonder never settled for second best. In that way, he reminded Dick of Bruce who never settled for defeat, always saying it was only a step on the road to success.

As thoughts of Jason and Bruce took the forefront of Dick’s mind, the raised voice of Tim drew Dick back to the present. The unmistakable sharp tone of the second youngest brother was coming from the direction of the foot of the bed. Craning his neck, Dick looked to see an open doorway. Standing almost square in it was Tim. His arms were crossed, and he wore a very angry look on his face. He was staring down at someone who was seated slightly out of view. However, the pair of ripped jeans on casually set legs with heavy, black boots told Dick it unmistakably Jason.

“This is entirely your fault, Jason!” Tim growled. “You and your persistent and sordid past!”

There was the briefest of pauses as if Tim expected a reply from Jason. If he was, he got none. For once in his life, Jason sounded as if he was holding his tongue. Then, Tim continued.

“I knew you drew trouble to you! Everything you do is like putting up giant billboard announcing, ‘Hey, here we are… the sons of Batman. Come and kill us already!’ For God’s sake, Jason. All you ever seem to do is get excessively drunk and pick a fight with every possible bad guy in town, no matter what town we’re in! And for Dick’s sake, I’ve put up with it, but this…” he stated angrily, making a vague gesture in Dick’s direction without even looking at Dick. “This… this is you doing overtime on the ‘getting us in trouble’ meter! It’s like you want to die and to take us all with you! We’re supposed to be keeping a low profile. Bruce said…”

There was a strange noise: a mixture between snort and a growl. Then, the pair of ripped jean covered legs shifted into a crossed legged position.

“He said we had to leave that part of our lives behind, but with you…” he said, emphasizing his two first words, and then clicking his tongue, he rolled his eyes. There was only a breath width of time to pass with still no response from Jason. With a shake of his head, Tim continued, “You are your past! All those enemies you’ve made… they’re never going to stop coming, are they?”

There was another pause and no answer.

“Are they?!” Tim asked louder, leaning forward, no doubt into Jason’s face.

“Fine!” Jason responded angrily. He shoved Tim away from him and into the wall. It didn’t take long for Tim to steady himself as he fixed his gaze on Jason. The older, former Robin rapidly rose to his feet, towering over Tim. For the first time, Dick could see his oldest brother’s face: all angry with a swollen cheek and black eye. “What do you want me to say, Babybird? I’m sorry! It’s like not like I asked Don DiMaggio to send one of his hired hitman after me. I mean, for God’s sake, it’s been four fucking years! Who holds a grudge for that long?” He blew out a loud and exasperated breath. “I mean, come on! It was only a couple grates of illegal weapons out of thousands! As for yesterday, it’s not like I knew they’d try something. Not like I knew that guy would suddenly show up … in broad daylight!”

As a surge of pain shot through his chest, Dick’s eyes widened. He remembered. Placing a hand over his blanketed chest, he felt the wrapping and recalled what happened after Jason kissed him.

oOo

Jason pulled back from him, still wearing a very smug expression. Dick’s face felt flushed and his lips curved into a suggestive grin. He had wanted to say something to Jason. Maybe playfully chide him for kissing him out in public or tease him about how Tim would be chewing him out later for doing it. The words never made it past his lips.

The odd expression on Jason’s face caught Dick off guard. His brother was looking at something behind Dick. Turning around, he first only saw city goers and shoppers bustling about as was common on a busy Saturday afternoon. Then, his eyes fell upon a broad shouldered man dressed in a very upscale, dark suit. He was holding something. Dick never saw what it was, but he heard a two bang and saw a small puff of smoke form in front of the man. Finally, he remembered a sharp pain blooming at the center of his chest and falling backwards.

He never hit the ground. Instead, he vaguely recalled arms catching him. There was a far slower movement downward, while cradled safely in those strong arms. He knew, despite the panic in his mind and the pain in his chest, Jason was there watching over him.

The screams and shouts of so many others sounded muffled, even Jason’s. He was floating above Dick in a world of light for a moment. His lips were moving but Dick couldn’t clearly hear him. It was as if his ears were full of cotton. With a shaky hand, he reached up toward Jason. He barely managed to get the hand into view before Jason grabbed it.

Almost purposefully slow motion, Jason mouthed, “Di-ck-ie, ple-ase st-ay wi-th m-e. Ple-ase!”

After that, Dick struggled to follow anymore. A wave of exhaustion washed over him. He wanted to close his eyes, but he had a bad feeling that wasn’t a good idea. As he fought his heavy eyelids, his gaze fell upon his and Jason’s joined hands. Jason’s hand was covered in blood.

Panic filled him briefly as he wondered if Jason was hurt. He wouldn’t forgive himself if Jason was hurt. With great effort, he tried to ask, but his lips weren’t cooperating. Soon after, Jason’s attention was on someone or something else. It must have been more important, because a second later, Jason vanished into the blinding world of light.

The panic of a moment ago became something new and truly frightening. He didn’t want to be alone, abandoned to this blinding, cruel world. The hard ground below him left him feeling cold both inside as well as outside. There was no warmth, no familiar faces. Where was his family, his friends, all those he cared for throughout the years? There was no one.

 As existence faded from his conscious, he briefly heard a single mournful whimper.

oOo

“I… I was shot,” Dick stammered, feeling tears prickling in his eyes. “I was dying… no one was there.”

A wave of anger and fear coursed through him. He had been, and admittedly, still was mad at Jason, at himself, and at the world’s cruel joke for doing this to him. He was terrified at what almost happened, at being alone, and at not knowing what happened to Jason after he vanished. He felt as if he could lash out at everyone and everything for doing this to him.

As the bubble of fury grew larger and bitterer, it suddenly burst when a thought struck him.

“Is this what Bruce felt?” he asked himself. “Is this what was going through his mind as he lie there dying in the batcave… alone?” A shuddering breath escaped Dick’s chapped lips.  “How many faces and names flittered through his sluggish thoughts those last few fleeting seconds? Was he angry? Was he scared?”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Dick fought the tear prickling at the corners. In his mind’s eye, he could see Bruce lying there broken and bleeding. He could imagine the angry Bruce probably felt toward all of them: his family, his friends, his allies. None of them were coming. Maybe Bruce had even been angry with himself for not being able to keep his promise to protect his family, to see them again. Dick wondered if Bruce thought, as Dick was thinking now, of fear. While part of the fear would be about dying, he feared leaving his family to an uncertain future and a possible, perilous life. There would have been so much uncertainty and doubt in Bruce’s mind. His last thoughts might have been of dread. Not so much for himself but for the family he was leaving behind.

When he heard Tim’s voice boom again, Dick reminded himself there was a difference between him and Bruce. Dick was still alive. There was still time to be there for his family, to protect them from any future threats both those they knew and those still laying in wait to strike out at them. Dick refused to fail them, refused to let his fears win.

Drawing in a shaky breath, he calmed his racing heart and put on his best, fake smile.  Through a dry throat, she coughed out, “Jay! Tim! Geesh, you guys are loud!”

Both Tim and Jason jumped, turning sharply in Dick’s direction. The shocked expressions on their faces turned quickly to ones of joy as they practically fought to get to Dick’s bed side first. Tim finally ended up on the right, taking Dick’s hand, while Jason stood on the left with an uncharacteristic look of relief on his face. The look by itself wasn’t odd, but the shimmer of tears glistening in his blue eyes was.

“Dick, you’re awake!” Tim said jubilantly.

“That’s obvious,” bluntly said Jason, throwing sarcastic look Tim’s direction. Then, he turned his attention to Dick. “How are you feeling?”

“Talk about obvious, Jay,” Tim spat angrily.

Before Jason could reply, Dick cut in. “Yeah,” he said, coughing slightly. “I’m okay… I awake… … in no small part due to you two.” He forced a chuckle. “What’s up with that? Can’t a sick man get some sleep around here?”

“We were…” Tim started, looking coldly at Jason. “… just talking.”

That got a snort in response from Jason.

“Well, I was,” Tim said. “Mr. ‘Kickass first, ask questions later’ I wouldn’t even try to speak for, because he might go get drunk and get us in even more trouble without batting an eyelash.”

“Oh, that’s right, Babybird, just blame me for everything!” Jason growled. “Not like you haven’t slipped up in your time.”

“Nowhere near as bad as you,” Tim said angrily.

“Oh, yeah,” Jason said, leaning closer to Tim and over Dick.

“Yeah,” Tim said, leaning closer to Jason and over Dick. Both of them were acting like children, and to be honest, Dick was quickly getting tired of it. He was less than five seconds way from interrupting them, but he didn’t have to mind.

“Tt,” cut-in the all too familiar sharp tone of Damian.

Dick raised an eyebrow in the direction of his youngest brother. He met the narrowed gaze and noticed more unfamiliar tears and perhaps just a bit of joy directed at him. To say Dick was surprised would have been putting it mildly.

“Something you’d like to add, Damian?” Dick asked incredulously, feeling the tiniest of grins tugging at his lips.

“Would it matter with these two ready to start another fight right here and now,” Damian stated. His narrowed gaze grew serious and judgmental. The stern look was so in tune with Bruce, so it was fitting on his biological son’s face. In fact, Dick was certain that it was very same expression he had seen on numerous occasions when Dick and Barbara fought as Robin and Batgirl. At that moment, part of Dick wanted to laugh, but another wanted to cry.

“I wasn’t!” both Tim and Jason said at the same time, sounding indignant.

“Oh, please, that’s all you do, Jay,” Tim said, pointing an excusing finger at Jason. “It’s about the only thing you’re good at.”

“And talking your big lip off is the only thing you can do right, Babybird,” sneered Jason, swatting Tim’s finger out of his face.

As they continued to argue, Dick couldn’t help the way his fake smile easily became real and beaming. Sure, they were fighting, and he’d probably have to iron out the situation before long, but for the moment, Dick was just happy to not be alone. Actually, there was no way he could be with a family like his.